Optimism and Spirits

If you actually know how to stretch a smile,
If you know how to make people happy in a while,
If it’s not that hard to put your ego away at times,
You will be the one, whom god will put in the primes.

Keep walking at your pace on the way of being good,
Things will just turn up perfectly as they should,
Why to worry about the people, who have been bad to u,
How to move and settle your life is only up to you.

Blow the worries in the air instantly with each breath,
Truth always shows up, even if it’s somewhere beneath.
Realize that only you are the one, who own your destiny,
Only happiness can run your life smooth even if they are tiny.

Look deeply and find the beauty in the world u have around,
Feel, even the air has its very own special musical sound.
Everything only moves in your life if you wish it to do,
It’s not only you; even the god suffers with his child too.

You have the power to change everything you want to,
It’s not the time to sit aback, just think what you should do.
Letting tears come out not going to change ever anything,
Even your identity and esteem means at least something...

Open up your arms and spread joy, happiness or the love,
Even you have your own wings though you are not a dove.
Be optimistic and try to keep the hopes always alive,
World will change accordingly and you will feel relive.

She!!

I looked into her eyes and smiled, she smiled back from her heart. Hmm, from her heart because I could see the reflection in her eyes. She was sitting at the gate of a fast local I generally come home by. I waved at her slowly and she smiled again. Many people were there but none seemed to bother that a kid is sitting on the gate and she might fall and yeah, why would they? It’s not a new thing in the fast paced life of the city of dreams Mumbai. I wasn’t feeling well that day so came early from office. I wanted some restful and peaceful time but don’t know why felt like talking to her. I told her to come and sit on the seat. She hesitated once but still came and sat in front of me and gave a shy smile and yup, there was the sweetness and innocence of a kid too. ‘Then what makes these kids different from others’ I thought. I looked her Mom who was selling tiny stuff to other people and got the answer.
“What’s your name”? I asked, guess smile just found the way to my lips and dint want to leave.
“Khushi”. She replied after a pause.
Hmm, nice name. “What does it mean, Khushi”? I asked again.(regretted later)
She looked lost. She looked at her Mom then looked back at me, smiled and replied “I don’t know”.
Ohh, how could I expect that she will know that? Hmm, have I already mentioned that I regretted it later? Yeah, I did. Good.
“Well it means happiness, lots of smiles. You smile, right?” and she agreed with a smile. I wanted to know how old she is. I thought at least this she must know. And here I made another mistake. She had no clue about her age. I told her to go to her Mom and ask. She was seven.
“You go to school”? I don’t know why I was taking so much interest in her. May be because I felt a connection or a bond but something was there.
She became sad a bit and replied slowly “I went but they say my name is not there in the list, they dint let me sit in the class.”
What? Who? How? Why? A lot of questions started appeared at the speed of thought but I asked just one. “Why? Dint you send your father to talk to them?”
She looked at me, blank look and looked away without even saying a word. I rethought my question and looked at her Mom. She had all signs of being married Indian women. Then what’s wrong? I thought but couldn’t gather enough guts to ask. I looked away and started looking out of the window. No, stop it, no more questions please. Enough now.
“Three years ago he left us and ran away with someone” it was her. I got stunned. I looked back at her, she was looking at me constantly. “What”? That is all I could say.
“That is all I know, you see the kid sitting near my Mom, my father ran away with his Mom”. There was no smile but a tough look too.
I couldn’t say anything else and yeah, what could I say. I kept quite but kept looking at her innocent face.

Those Stops!!

Well i was walking in crowd but still alone.. Me too ws a part of crowd only but still could feel special(god knows what was giving me this being special feel), Thats wat they say is 'Charm' of mumbai.. You are a part of crowd but still special.. Sounds funny but true.. but that day was special i guess because i could feel a bounce in my walk. A bounce which was because of something good.. I left home for office and as usual cought the bus to churchgate. In morning there is a lots of rush everywhere. Everyone to there destination but in hurry as that place will move ahead if they wont catch it soon. Strange, i used to think in starting.. No one cares what u doing, where u going, whta is happening to you and anythning till it doesn't affect there chores.. Well that is the pace here. If you move along you can win otherwise you will loose nothing but you.
Its my habbit to observe everythnig outside when i travel. Its my routine and guess what tough i travel by the same route everyday i find things new. I dont even realize untill i reach to NCPA. but that day i couldn't see my eye catcher. M eye catcher, yeah, a lady with short hair, a bag in her hands, a blanket wrapped around, sitting out the building with blank looks. People see but no one notice. Everyday the same thing, the same place and same look. many times i wanted to go to her and her 'what is wrong' but some one said that i'll reopen her wounds like this.. This day she wasnt there, i found it strange as from last 6 months she was there and a mystry for me.. May be she found some other place or she's no more as her bag and blanket was still lyng there.. God knows..
moved further...
Near chrchgate, in front of Sarvodaya, a general store there is a tree. A small one but a place to live, home for a family. A family of a lady and her two kids. Even they have a small kitchen of a stove and a cooker and may be a plate too. A lot of people, may be thousands paas from there and dont even look nad yaa, why will they?? everyone has more important things to do. A lot more important.
moved further......
A very old lady outside elphinstone road station, sitting side by the fly over, having a basket of fruits and waiting for someone to come and buy somthing atleast so that atleat she can feed her family. Sitting there morning to evening with a hope nad struggling with life in the age of 80-85.. And obviously reaching to office is more important than buyng fruits from her even if they are cheaper than their actual prize.
moved further.....
Coming in the local in evening everyone encounter with a lotz of beggers, kids specially.. They have innocence on face no doubt but have some dreams in heart. People pity them and even sometimes give money. But nothing gonna help them. They will keep doing the same for the rest of their lives. Who's gonna work if they easily get someone's hard earned maney for doing nothning. If don't get much and want more, still hungry or have some pain.. Still no worries, marijuana and drugs gonna work till they get something. After all life teaches everything. No one remembers they had some dreams and desires.
move further....
Almost about to reach home but still have to walk a few meters. A tiny gal with her in her lap, having few balloons and tryng to sell but still have a lots of self esteem nad dignity. Workng hard for making things better..
I was walkng in crowd again but dint feel special.. my walk was slow. just reached home but coudnt be happy as i used to be.. But i cant change anythng. Need to be stronge enough for fight for the rights of needy and deserving.. Sometimes things just happen all of the sudden and turn around ur life or to some another direction.. Mine has..

Rising from ashes or........??

1 day I wasn't feeling good so went out to on sea side to roam around.. I was too busy in thinking about my own changed life so couldn't notice that there was a tiny girl who was selling balloons.. She asked me to buy one and I saw she was having a tiny baby in her lap. I denied to buy one as I felt have too grown up for them now so obviously don't need balloons to be happy anymore but she said 'Please, my brother is hungry didi, just buy one only.' I thought it'll look funny if I will have a balloon in my hand and will go somewhere so I offered her some money to feed her brother. To my wonder she denied and said 'I can't take it like this'. I was amazed as I could see need in her eyes.. I had no option but to buy a balloon and I gave it to a kid passing by. She smiled and I moved on..
Last new year me and my 2 friends thought instead of partying we would spend our day with some social work.


It was just an incident but it reminded me of 1st Jan'10 (New Year) when We (me and 2 of my friends) went to an orphan-age there in Jaipur.


 We got them sweets, fruits and chocolates so obviously all kids were smiling.. When we entered all kid were like 'Hello Didi'. Being with all of them and getting to know was a different feeling. 


After sometime when I asked 'Do u guys go to school??' they nodded with a smile(though it dint seem like a happier one). I thought that the mentors are taking good care of them but when I asked them about what they want to become in future once they complete their studies, they looked at me like I have asked them like have they seen God recently.


I wondered whats wrong.. I looked at their mentor, I found her a sweet lady initially.


She said "Tell Didi, that what you all want to become, tell no, what i told you all yesterday"..and kids came up with doctor, teacher, pilot, manager n all thngs.. I really got surprised as when I asked them first they dint even seem to understnad anything and now all wonder answers... Any way I dint get positive vibes from there so came out with a heavy heart.. 


I met a kid who was one of them outside and asked him to come with me to main road.. He told me in the way about all this.. Their mentor told them to all this yesterday evening as a lots of people come to visit and donate there..


I was feelng so bad.. All the way I was just thinking whats the future of these kids.. I have no complaints from my life now.. I should be happy the way it is but what about then.. wat about their crashed dreams or they even know what dreams are meant for?


I imagined them rising from ashes but now i guess 'going towards' would be perfect instead of 'rising from'..


Just god knows all...

My lost Identity!!!!!!

Today, when I was sitting there on marine drive, was constantly thinking about myself. I was sitting with friends but wasn't there mentaly..


I was thinking about "Is it OK to fight for your dreams? Is it fine to fight for things u love? Even if t hurts people you love? What's more important- making people happy or being happy?? whats more important-- let things happen or make them happen??"  Too many questions for a tiny brain.


Someone must be thinking I am loosing my mind but I know the truth. I am just in the search of the right path for myself. Whenever I look around me. I find people People too busy with their own lives. They seem to be with you but when u actually look into things deeply none is really there. Yeah, I know its not true for everyone but still I am not supposed to say that every relation is perfectly true or am I?


I must say when I think about things happening around, I find myself lost. Its not that I don't see it. I face it everyday but its not that easy to accept it. Whenever I feel low, just 1 thing comes in my mind- should I give up?? Why am I loosing hope?? Should I stop believing in things or myself.......... ?? I am scared of myself.. Sometimes I even think about commiting suicide too.(never mind, I made this one up, lol. I am really too coward to do that)..
But I wasn't like this ever,Ii wasn't negetive ever... Its getting very hard to smile now a days.. I never tried so hard to being happy... I used to believe in living life not just spending it for the sake coz you have to.. Seriously I don't even remember when I laughed so hard by heart last time..Many times I try to collect my thoughts together and wrap them up but not able to..


I want someone with real human touch which can ease my stress n depression away...

A Fact!!!

life is so unpredictable.. no one knows what coming next, whats tomorrow is bringing for us.. true, yeah.. this fish too must have never thought of a ending up like this.. truly strange, isn't it?


but yeah, we can believe something what a wise man has once said....


Do not ask yourself what the world needs; ask yourself what makes you come alive. And then go do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive. ~Howard Thurman

And Am Again!!

Heyaa, recently I had a great break of good 20 days, and now I am finally back with the ability to pen my thoughts down once again. No, I mean seriously, It’s too hard to write anything sometimes but now in this period I thought of a lots of things and about a lots of matters.


Someone must be thinking what time? Was I too busy or what I was doing before? Well, I was doing actually nothing, better to say I was on complete break that time but yeah my mind was too busy in thinking about what I want, what I deserve, who I am, what I was and all stuff ( someone referred it as another phase of my life) which may be just like another normal things for people but very important for me, though it took me so long, am happy now.. It’s too hard to believe which I am going to say but it true, It wasn’t me..


I tried many times to write things but neither my heart nor mind supported me (I noticed so many drafts in my blog today like SO MANY). It was the first time I was feeling there is no luck exist, no feeling exist, one has to tell others that what he or she feels.. God, it was like if you are feeling alone you have ask someone to be with you, if you want to cry you have to look around for a shoulder, you have to smile if even tears are about to come from your eyes..


Like someone said if it was actually a phase it was the worst phase of my life I must say. Every morning I used to think after waking up ‘Oh God, another day' (what used to be ‘wow, another day:)’. Everyone has complications in life but mine was like completely twisted strings. It was like Living two personalities, being two different people, behaving in two different manners, trying to make people understand that you understand, being a person who I am not and many more things. I used to lie on bed thinking what I’ll do tomorrow, how it’ll be like, what should I do to make everyone happy. I got answers but there wasn’t my happiness anywhere. Sometimes I was thinking something and I dint even know what I am thinking. Strange, no??


Any ways 1 more thing, I can’t say ‘My life is like an open book’ anymore. Few unexpected though beautiful chapters have added in my book secretly. It filled my life up with colors more than a rainbow has and yeah, now I am back and will be the same. What I was and what I actually am. Life and time have taught me well that making yourself important to someone is more important than making someone important to you.


HAVE GROWN UP….. (have a lot to write but next time:))


WHAT A GREAT START OF NEW YEAR.....