Wednesday, January 27, 2010

My lost Identity!!!!!!

Today, when I was sitting there on marine drive, was constantly thinking about myself. I was sitting with friends but wasn't there mentaly..

I was thinking about "Is it OK to fight for your dreams? Is it fine to fight for things u love? Even if t hurts people you love? What's more important- making people happy or being happy?? whats more important-- let things happen or make them happen??"  Too many questions for a tiny brain.

Someone must be thinking I am loosing my mind but I know the truth. I am just in the search of the right path for myself. Whenever I look around me. I find people People too busy with their own lives. They seem to be with you but when u actually look into things deeply none is really there. Yeah, I know its not true for everyone but still I am not supposed to say that every relation is perfectly true or am I?

I must say when I think about things happening around, I find myself lost. Its not that I don't see it. I face it everyday but its not that easy to accept it. Whenever I feel low, just 1 thing comes in my mind- should I give up?? Why am I loosing hope?? Should I stop believing in things or myself.......... ?? I am scared of myself.. Sometimes I even think about commiting suicide too.(never mind, I made this one up, lol. I am really too coward to do that)..
But I wasn't like this ever,Ii wasn't negetive ever... Its getting very hard to smile now a days.. I never tried so hard to being happy... I used to believe in living life not just spending it for the sake coz you have to.. Seriously I don't even remember when I laughed so hard by heart last time..Many times I try to collect my thoughts together and wrap them up but not able to..

I want someone with real human touch which can ease my stress n depression away...

Saturday, January 23, 2010

A Fact!!!

life is so unpredictable.. no one knows what coming next, whats tomorrow is bringing for us.. true, yeah.. this fish too must have never thought of a ending up like this.. truly strange, isn't it?

but yeah, we can believe something what a wise man has once said....

Do not ask yourself what the world needs; ask yourself what makes you come alive. And then go do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive. ~Howard Thurman

Saturday, January 9, 2010

And Am Again!!

Heyaa, recently I had a great break of good 20 days, and now I am finally back with the ability to pen my thoughts down once again. No, I mean seriously, It’s too hard to write anything sometimes but now in this period I thought of a lots of things and about a lots of matters.

Someone must be thinking what time? Was I too busy or what I was doing before? Well, I was doing actually nothing, better to say I was on complete break that time but yeah my mind was too busy in thinking about what I want, what I deserve, who I am, what I was and all stuff ( someone referred it as another phase of my life) which may be just like another normal things for people but very important for me, though it took me so long, am happy now.. It’s too hard to believe which I am going to say but it true, It wasn’t me..

I tried many times to write things but neither my heart nor mind supported me (I noticed so many drafts in my blog today like SO MANY). It was the first time I was feeling there is no luck exist, no feeling exist, one has to tell others that what he or she feels.. God, it was like if you are feeling alone you have ask someone to be with you, if you want to cry you have to look around for a shoulder, you have to smile if even tears are about to come from your eyes..

Like someone said if it was actually a phase it was the worst phase of my life I must say. Every morning I used to think after waking up ‘Oh God, another day' (what used to be ‘wow, another day:)’. Everyone has complications in life but mine was like completely twisted strings. It was like Living two personalities, being two different people, behaving in two different manners, trying to make people understand that you understand, being a person who I am not and many more things. I used to lie on bed thinking what I’ll do tomorrow, how it’ll be like, what should I do to make everyone happy. I got answers but there wasn’t my happiness anywhere. Sometimes I was thinking something and I dint even know what I am thinking. Strange, no??

Any ways 1 more thing, I can’t say ‘My life is like an open book’ anymore. Few unexpected though beautiful chapters have added in my book secretly. It filled my life up with colors more than a rainbow has and yeah, now I am back and will be the same. What I was and what I actually am. Life and time have taught me well that making yourself important to someone is more important than making someone important to you.

HAVE GROWN UP….. (have a lot to write but next time:))