Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Passing on the Pride!!

I looked at my boy who was standing in front of me, keeping a bullet in his hand and asking "Dad, why do we fight? Why these wars? This thing is so tiny like a small wedge. Why do we kill people with this?"

I had to answer which my Dad gave me when I asked him the same thing being a kid. 
"We use it to protect our country, not to kill Sonny. What would you do if someone attacks your home?" I asked him the very same question my Dad asked me before answering. 

"I'll vanish them. I'll kill them." He said and looked at me. "Right Dad, I got my answer." He said smartly.
I smiled back and all evaded memories started coming up in my mind. Tough I was not as intelligent as my son is that time.

"Buckle Up Soldiers, march on!!" Major shouted from behind.

His voice normally used to fill even we kids up with courage in normal days, but that day wasn't any same. We were at the playground, holding our toys which used to be toy guns. 
I looked at the parade and then my Dad who was in the front row. They all started marching on.

I looked around and ran to home, waited for my Dad to come. I saw people with big guns in the market today morning and since then was really upset. I was hating my dad, thinking that he kills people and wondering why he does so.
And this was it. This above one conversation I had with him made me proud. So proud that I joined the same force. To protect this country I breathe in. To let the air flow without poison of fear in it. To let those faces be serene when they go to bed in night.

To live for it so that people can also live without any fear in their eyes when they step out of their comfort zone..

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Make A Difference!!

Breaking the silence, that voice seemed like coming from far "What you looking at the wall? What you thinking? What's going on?" I saw his face just in front of mine, staring at me, puzzled.

"No nothing, just like that". I tried to distract him.

"Don't think. Act. Do something for them. Get a life that makes a difference, to the society, to you and people related to you." He sounded different.

"What you talking about?" I wasn't already feeling like discussing anything about it. Why he always understands what is actually upsetting me.

"Don't pretend. I know, the condition of those slum and street kids is still bothering you. Tell me isn't it." He looked deep into my eyes and I couldn't lie. We saw them on the street corner, drinking and smoking, of the slum where we went to do a story for next edition.

"Yeah, what future they have, tell me? What ever they earn or get they use it in illegal things, they take drugs and all. Their parents worked and lived like this and even they not going to do any better." I am a really emotional person. I don't know why these thing trouble me like anything ever since I was a kid. Well. I am not really proud of that.

"Okay, I know that but how is you getting upset going to help them, tell me?" He sounded mature.

I kept quite as I had no words to utter. I looked into horizon and kept looking till a bell rang in my head.

"Why don't we spread awareness among them? We can use our paper and Rosh's NGO for it. What you think?" I had hope in my heart and excitement in my words.

"How?" He looked confused.

"Lets educated them. Lets make them see a brighter future. Make them feel the importance of their existence." I looked at him.

He smiled and nodded in approval. Obviously there was no point of objection. 

Friday, December 17, 2010

Romancing with Life!!

Leaning over the floor, dabbling his hand in the water of the pool and splashing the water over me, he smiled peacefully.

After all the trauma we had been through, after all those things we saw recently, It gave me a really nice feeling as I was always his side when he was going through all those ups and downs.  

Feeling of the warmth of that care and love mixed with small those water drops while looking deep into his eyes, I smiled back slowly without uttering a word, loving the way we were romancing with life.  

May be that is why people say, “In love every act makes impact which seems irritating when u not in love”. 

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

My life Before You!!

Outer surface isn't always the only base to Judge,
One could never see whole world sitting on the Edge..

I knew you but never imagined myself being a part of You,
Distance faded slowly, came closer and I fell deep for you, ..

A sudden Fear creeps in seeing the approaching nightfall,
I want only you around me always as for me it would be all..

Safe I feel my existence when I see it's attached with yours,
Time seems to fly so fast than ever even tough it is hours..

Looking in past I realize sometimes how life turned upside- down,
You were there by my side, treated me like queen without crown..

Just want to say I'll be there with you, no matter what happens,
With every passing second of time, my love for you only deepens!!!

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Let Lives Live!!

It was drizzling out and the air was soothing. She looked out with hope to get some peace. Suddenly she felt wetness on her cheeks, she dint even realize when two tears slowly fell down on them. She wanted to cry her heart out but only crying wasn’t going to help her anyhow this time. She had to make a move, a move of change and with her full effort.

The report was about to come out at anytime. A report which was about to decide future of her and her kid which is still to take breathe in this air for the first time. A report, which is supposed to decide destiny of the unborn kid. She could see it almost, demise of her hopes.

“What you looking at? What is there out? Could not you realize the rain drops are coming in the room? See, the carpet near window is all wet.” He closed the doors of window.

She was so lost to even realize her husband has come in the room.

“Aah, Yeah! Nothing, I was just letting the air come in the room.” She sounded like she just woke up.

“Oh! Okay!! What time the doctor is coming, six or so?” He asked unaware of the battle going inside her heart and brain.

“Yeah”! She replied deadly as soon as he left.

‘Is he the same man whom she married just five years back? Can a person change in only this much of time? Do I even know him? If yes, then why does he seem so strange to me now.” She thought with a lump in her throat.

All his words started coming in her head at once.  The whole conversation of last night started playing like a film in front of her eyes.

“Mom does not want a girl child. It has to be a boy this time, you understand?” He almost shouted on her.  

“What If it’s a girl again like last time?” It was her.

“Than same, we’ll get this thing aborted again” he sounded real rude.
“Thing? It’s not a thing. It’s my kid. Be it boy or girl, it’s a part of my existence. How can you say like that?” How cruel can a Father get, she wondered?

“Whatever you say does not really mean anything to anyone. I earn and it’s my house. Now you have to decide what you want. Your husband or this piece of meat?” and he left her in tears.

She did not want this test. She did not want an abortion also of her last baby girl, but she did. She was weak, really weak to protest for this.

But she hoped for good. She wanted it to be a boy this time. She did not want any disputes in family. She looked at the clock. It was almost six in the evening and she heard the door bell. Her heart came in the mouth at once.

“It must be doctor” and she rushed to the door of her room and stood behind it. She dint want anyone to see her or tell her to come there.

She heard whole thing and collapsed there itself.

“Why fate is playing games with me” she dint understand.

“Did you hear what doctor said? We are going to the clinic tomorrow. He’ll arrange everything. It’s again a girl” he sounded cruel.

She dint say anything and closed the door behind him. It was the time. To choose what she thinks is right. She went to bed and cried till she decided what to go with.

She packed her bags and thought of leaving.

To a new life, to take breathe of freedom, to let the baby breathe in the air she wished to. She could see the independence lying ahead with the revival of life.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

A Ride Unforgettable!!!

Recently I happened to have a ride on slow Mumbai local train after such a long time. I don’t have to travel much as my work place is hardly 20 minutes ride from my home so cab and the bus are the easiest ways to travel. Yes, the place where I used to work before or I better say where I worked for not more than 3 months was a bit far from my place. But again my directions were different so there was no much of crowd in the trains. Well, being a kid of Indian Navy Personnel we are actually destined to live in one of the most posh and well maintained areas of Mumbai, South Mumbai.

Well, okay!!! That’s not what this post is about. So I happened to have an exam this Saturday and unfortunately the center was in Western Suburbs of Mumbai. For them who don’t know what they are, let me tell you. The most crowded places with people and traffic plus most polluted areas which are situated on the western line of Mumbai are called western suburbs. Even tough it was a very Sunny Saturday afternoon the train became too full to travel.

Well, I got the train from Church gate which happens to be the place from where the trains start, so was all empty. I boarded it with no hassle as I reached there in advance.

The journey was really amazing and the weather became so pleasant so I was actually enjoying the ride as the cold breeze was playing with my hairs my face with its soothing touch. That time I never knew that this journey which am enjoying so much right now is going to leave a remembrance on my mind for whole life.

Okay!! So what happened was after like 3-4 stations we crossed the train became so crowded tough it was only ladies compartment!! I thought of standing of the gate as it was really suffocating inside. Suddenly I heard a sound which was really loud. I really thought that someone might want to shuffle their places so they are arguing upon that. I turned around to see what’s going on and I saw two ladies shouting at each other on top of their voices.      

1st lady “what the hell on earth you think you are? How dared you to push me, bitch. What if I would have fallen?”

I literally stared at her face. She was sitting on a seat comfortably. I looked around at the people standing and of course they must be getting more pushes from around but still quite.

“Even tough she would have fallen, where would she fall? Not off the train for sure.” I wondered.

2nd lady “what do you expect me to do in this so much crowded train? If you don’t want to be pushed, why don’t you come by your own vehicle, bloody whore?”

1st lady “yes, why you would not know? You some pander or what?”

This was it and the conversation started in their local languages which end up with them pulling each other’s hair like anything and shouting without caring about people around.

I really could not understand what they were talking but first time in my life I saw this kind of face of people who call themselves urban.

“Why are we becoming so impatient and intolerant?” I thought and got no answer. 

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Lost in You!!!

I wondered, what I did so God gave you to me,
I am blessed, no one can replace you, be it any!!

I am really happy, even more I am delighted.
It’s always only you, with whom my life lighted!!

You are my real charm and the sun shine,
Just keep your hands clutched into mine!!

Be yourself always, you don’t have to pretend,
I am with you every turn or be it every end!!

It seems like time has just passed in an instant,
I was really alone before and life was all vacant!!

It feels complete now, I have no desires,
I have everything for what one only aspires!!

From 3WW:-

From Three words Wednesday

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Lost Treasure Revived!!

"Happy Birth Day" Everyone shouted as soon I entered in the lobby. I really got scared as I wasn't really expecting this. Real Happiness I felt that day after such a long time. Tough I was in bad mood, I could not recollect why I was feeling bad before. Their gesture made me feel special. 

Suddenly I felt a warm hand on my back. I turned around and froze. Oh!! So Surprise wasn't over. Someone whom I haven't seen in like ages were in front of me with their those special smiles on faces which always helped me in tough times. 

My reason of smiles and my support in all times were there, immediate next to me. I was still froze, not knowing what to say I broke into tears. 

"Stop Crying you fool, You don't have enough energy. You have turned old now." and we all laughed out loud. Jai always had his humour.  Tough I could not hold all of them in my arms, I hugged them. I felt cared and loved.

They travelled so far just to make it for me. I really felt all alone all these years. 

"God!! I love you, Guys!! I missed you all so much. I hope it isn't a dream." I whispered and there it was. Again, my eyes seemed like waterfall again. 

"Ok. We all know how much you can cry so don't prove. and Sweetheart, we are starving so I hope you treating us unlike college." and we laughed again. 

I missed them. I missed those moments. I missed those mischiefs. I missed every moment of my life. How many times I craved to relive them. How many times I prayed to god to give me one more chance last time. 

But today I was happy, really happy!!!

I looked at the window and saw my husband smiling at me. He looked happy, more than me.

He moved towards me and clutched my hand into his "I was really longing to see you happy like this since ages. I thought you lost your smile only being busy in us. I am really sorry that even I also forgot that You also have a life without us too".

I looked at my love and hugged. "I love you" he whispered and I felt complete.

"I love you too, after all you have given me all memories to treasure my whole life" I thought.

May be this is something Good relationships are like, To be able to express what comes into your head, and know it will be understood as you meant it. To be more yourself bcz all of U is able to love in a way the other responds to..

From 3WW:-

From Three words Wednesday


Sunday, November 7, 2010

Living That Scare!!!

"Mommy!!!" I shouted my throat out till the time my Mom reached my room. Its not that I live in some 4 floor big house but still it took her whole five minutes to travel in our 3 BHK flat.. 

"What the hell on the earth is wrong with you that made to shout like this at past 3 midnight?? What is the matter?" She was really annoyed as I disturbed her deep nap. I couldn't believe my Dad was still snoring like nothing happened. 

I really felt very bad for her. She must be very tired after all household chores she has been doing all day. But I couldn't help as I got really scared.

"I felt it. I felt it so close. I felt like it was on me. Walking or I don't know what. But its was there." My voice was trembling when I said.

"What are you talking about beta?? Who??" She asked while scanning my room, each corner. She was really confused what I was talking about.

Me, poor thing. No one can understand what I was going through.

"That thing, that thing mom which I was telling you all in the morning". I uttered. 

"Nothing Beta, you better go to sleep. Its nothing. See, there is absolutely nothing". She said and left the room.

I sat on my bed looking all around. Where it must be? How come no one can see it but me. I felt like crying. I was tortured like never before now.

It left all its signs everywhere like my book shelf, my cupboard, my study, almost everywhere. I saw it. I felt it all around. I feel it's the existence near me then why no one else does.

This wasn't the first time. I was feeling it from last so many days. I saw it. I lived it. It goes all over me nights leaving me in a fear I live whole night. I feel a fear when I switch my light off while going to bed in night. I get scared while opening my drawer for taking my things out. I had already emptied my cupboard from the fear that what if someday I open it and that comes straight on me and kept all my clothes in my Huge Suitcase which I had back in Hostel.  I couldn't help it.

One day I came back home after having such a long day at work to see my whole room like a mess. Actually My Mom spied about "What-that-thing-would-be-which-scares-me..". I needed a bed but ended up on sofa.

This was it. I thought of getting rid of it anyhow. I need to be brave enough to live this scare now. I need to live freely.

And end of it was really amazing. I was going through the e-TOI while having a coffee and there it was looking into my eyes. I saw it again but couldn't hold my gaze for longer. 

I dint shout but whispered.

"Mom, come here fast".. I really felt relieved when She really heard me. 

She came and froze on the door itself. She also saw it. She looked at me and then the curtain.

There that was, swinging on the curtain. Free from all world thinking that it is really safe there.

 A big fat Rat. We found it finally then getting rid wasn't really hard.   

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Changes Unexpected!!

He shouted abruptly “No, not anymore, I am really much done. I can’t handle your drama now. I am tired of giving explanations to you over and over. Something is stuck in your mind so you can’t think anything else now.”

And he kept saying but I hang up and the phone. I could not hear anymore as I broke into tears.

He would not understand. Being a guy he won’t understand how much it hurts. I was amazed as he also knew what he meant for me. Like a Kernel he had become for me lately. My whole life started revolving around him only. He was like essence of my life, much needed and even important than my own existence.

Words hurt more than the acts. Couldn’t he be more decent or polite a bit? How hurt I was, couldn’t he imagine. He shouted on me in front of people who don’t even know me. Where was my fault? Was it loving him a lot or caring for him??

The thing he used to feel even in absence now seem drama to him. My emotions now seem over reaction to him. My concern seem over possessiveness to him. Yes!! I couldn't wield my heart and I can not ever.

I could not understand where the charm we were loosing or where the warmth flied. His whole world used to be between my arms. He used to forget his all work pressure or tension with me.

Where are we moving to?? My sad heart really craved for ease.

From 3WW:-

From Three words Wednesday

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Hopes and Reality!!

Sometimes things leave you with fragile hopes,
Rampant growing feelings hurt with tear drops,

Each word comes out with a tremble, pain doesn't heal
The world would really move on but a tremor you feel...

From 3WW:-

From Three words Wednesday

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Mistakes You Live With!!

“Realization on time is always better than suffering the after effects as even small things give immense pain sometimes that even tough you have had a shimmering life, they turn it into dark memories”, she thought and went into flash back..

You never really know when fate has other plans for. You think that things are actually going the way you planned it but they only seem perfect, not actually are.

She wandered in the lanes of past, thought about every possible mistake she had made but couldn’t reach where and what she missed out. She had really supporting parents and very loving siblings. Why did even the thought of leaving home strike in her mind?
Was the reason being away from that true laughter her dreams of being really independent?

After like ages, for the 1st time she picked up her pen and wrote:-

Often I sit by the window idle and just stare the moon,
He promised me, my wishes would come true very soon,
How he never thought of the disappointments I’ll have,
He skipped and I waited for him to keep the words he gave.

First time I craved for the ease while suffering from the pain,
First time I felt the fear from every falling drop of the rain...
First time I could not spread my wings and couldn’t dare to fly,
First time I could not see anyone around on whom I could rely.

This was not it as I had a real long way to walk on ahead of me,
I knew will have to face many obstacles and who doesn’t have any?
I confess I had a strong urge to put everything away and just leave,
Everything seemed so wrong and I longed for something to believe.

And this was it. She broke into tears. She never sounded so depressed ever before.

She closed down everything around and wished while lying on the sofa if everything could be same. Wished to erase the mistakes she had made but obviously she couldn’t. Could you ever??

To be continued…..

From 3WW:-

From Three words Wednesday

Friday, October 15, 2010

Moving through the Storm!!

It wasn’t so easy for me to live on that land of lies where once I built the house of my dreams.

I really never thought of being away even for a day from the Person who took my breaths away and gave a meaning to my life, a person, whom I considered my soul mate.

All those talks, chats, drive, dinners, walks, smiles, night outs, dances and I don’t know how many things more seemed meaningless and this news came like an earthquake in my life that destroyed all my hopes. I felt like all my feelings got ridiculed. With no matter on being loved I thought of just being quite and let it all go with the flow of my tears.

Yes, I did. I did cry and tears dint even want to stop. He did something too. He cheated on me or may be he just slipped off his loyalty. But I felt cheated. Who wouldn’t? Everyone would. Am I just overreacting or what I am thinking is true? Could he? Dint the thought of all the years we spent together crept in his mind once? Or he just ignored it for the sake of a night? Was she pretty? Or was she a whore?? Did she make a move or what if he did??

Thoughts made me restless. The more I thought even more I got stuck. I was devastated. Life seemed all blank. But I had to make my mind. I had to put a stop, well, at least somewhere. Felt like someone whispered in my ear, “let it go. Loosen your grip, just let it go”.

This was it. I did it again. I proved myself strong. And I decided to move on. To walk on a new way with no one beside. Just me with my new hopes.

Tough it broke me from inside and moved my world upside down; I absolved him without even making a Hiss after all who wants to get their feelings ridiculed. Not me at the least.

From Three words Wednesday

Saturday, October 9, 2010

We:- The fairer sex!!!!

We women, the most delicate thing ever created by God. Who has too much of patience but ever more to tolerate. Who always has to bear the burden, always affected by lives of her father, husband and than son. No matter how much pain she is carrying in her big but soft heart she has to keep everyone happy around. No matter how many times she wet her pillow with tears she has to put smiles on everyone's face. No matter how much she is starving, she has to provide food to all.

She only starves of love and care. Her heart craves for affection and loyalty. Who really cares what she goes through everyday keeping her chores in the right motion. She is not supposed to expect the love and care she spreads. She is not bound to think that she will get the same security and stability she puts in every relation. She should never ask why am i supposed to accept everything with joy even if it chops my heart in like thousand pieces. She is not supposed to fight for her own and if she does she is being unfair to womanhood. Till when but!!!! Some one has to speak it out.

Well, okk.. There is no special reason for writing this blog. I just felt like When god has given women the power of move the world forward by carrying a new life in her womb, why is she not given a authority and priority. Everyone knows she is important, why dint she get the feel then. But Why???

Friday, August 13, 2010

I was!!

It was an ordinary day just like every other day of her life. She got up in the morning, after all the routine left for office, again slept in the cab and after whole day of struggling with mails and release orders finally came home back in no hurry. Yeah, in no hurry.

I never felt her so idle and unstable. It seemed like something was badly disturbing her in somewhere deep down which she is not even able to take out. Like every day there was neither that bounce in her walk when she left for home or the warmth in voice the way we felt when she used to talk. I never felt her presence so quite and calm. I could not recognize her at all as she was not the same what she used to be. There wasn’t that friendly smile because of what she had so many friends and for what they used to love her.

Things seemed to be changed since she left from here because a girl who never stopped talking and laughing for no reason now hardly talks and smiles to people. Even tough if she tries she feels why to fake, as it wasn’t hard to smile for her ever. A girl who never cared for future and whatever is happening around, is now more concerned about how others will feel, no matter how much it hurts her. Getting hurt was never even known to her. Pain was a thing of some other universe to her. Everyone was just same for her; every body has the same importance. No priorities or anything. Her life was like another fairy tale and yeah, they do exist.

A girl who never expected much from life as she always got everything even before she thought of it. She had no problems at her own; even she knew how to turn teary eyes into smiley cheeks. A girl who never even gave mind a sec to think twice before doing or saying something, now keep talking in her mind but tongue doesn’t seem to support the brain.

God, I missed her. I missed the way things used to be.

I closed my eyes and tears rolled down on my cheeks, as I could not look at the mirror anymore.

Friday, July 23, 2010

The distance

Keep the pace steady and slow if you want to concur,
It’s not very hard to figure out how distances occur,
Relations cannot remain the same as they used to,
It can be hard to just cope up and know that how to.

Whole time passes too fast and even the life goes on,
Sometime even if you want to but can’t just stay on,
May be everything is still the same or may it not be,
It is or looks way different so it’s very hard to agree.

Memories of moments spent together keep creeping in,
The person I used to know does no more look like him,
Never thought those fantasies I had will turn out fake,
Never imagined life would be hard and even harder to take.

Those smiles we shared and how tears used to be wiped,
Those small silly but teary fights were never this hyped,
See, how could things change suddenly in just one instant?
Did you even ever think of being so away or this distant?

Take a break from all the busy tiring chores for a while,
Learn to live holding my hands and wear always smile,
Our relation is not made for just remembering old times,
We are meant to be together and write love filled rhymes.

Thursday, June 24, 2010

A sticker's move

Sailing through the storm of lies,
We never know where the faith flies,
All would left are few void memories,
U may look calm but the heart cries.

Every dream we saw seems broken,
The flowers of smiles even seem rotten,
We wish we could just slowly escape,
Just in a wave fully blossomed love dries..

It feels as we are losing the grip,
Everything can’t just get fit in scrip,
Need to open up hidden own angelic wings,
For her own identity, even a ant strives..

Everything start to look false and fake,
You neither can let it go nor able to take,
Hard to breath even harder to stretch a smile,
True, real life is far more away than amities..

Why don't all around the heart just put a wall.
Love gives only pain then why we have to fall,
We can’t just feel that things are all the same,
Wish it was live so happiness itself could amplify.

It feels like just to be in the lanes of past,
At least good memories you have, who ever last,
Wish just could turn back my life as it was before,
Don't even feel like living when even soul dies..

Optimism and Spirits

If you actually know how to stretch a smile,
If you know how to make people happy in a while,
If it’s not that hard to put your ego away at times,
You will be the one, whom god will put in the primes.

Keep walking at your pace on the way of being good,
Things will just turn up perfectly as they should,
Why to worry about the people, who have been bad to u,
How to move and settle your life is only up to you.

Blow the worries in the air instantly with each breath,
Truth always shows up, even if it’s somewhere beneath.
Realize that only you are the one, who own your destiny,
Only happiness can run your life smooth even if they are tiny.

Look deeply and find the beauty in the world u have around,
Feel, even the air has its very own special musical sound.
Everything only moves in your life if you wish it to do,
It’s not only you; even the god suffers with his child too.

You have the power to change everything you want to,
It’s not the time to sit aback, just think what you should do.
Letting tears come out not going to change ever anything,
Even your identity and esteem means at least something...

Open up your arms and spread joy, happiness or the love,
Even you have your own wings though you are not a dove.
Be optimistic and try to keep the hopes always alive,
World will change accordingly and you will feel relive.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010


I looked into her eyes and smiled, she smiled back from her heart. Hmm, from her heart because I could see the reflection in her eyes. She was sitting at the gate of a fast local I generally come home by. I waved at her slowly and she smiled again. Many people were there but none seemed to bother that a kid is sitting on the gate and she might fall and yeah, why would they? It’s not a new thing in the fast paced life of the city of dreams Mumbai. I wasn’t feeling well that day so came early from office. I wanted some restful and peaceful time but don’t know why felt like talking to her. I told her to come and sit on the seat. She hesitated once but still came and sat in front of me and gave a shy smile and yup, there was the sweetness and innocence of a kid too. ‘Then what makes these kids different from others’ I thought. I looked her Mom who was selling tiny stuff to other people and got the answer.
“What’s your name”? I asked, guess smile just found the way to my lips and dint want to leave.
“Khushi”. She replied after a pause.
Hmm, nice name. “What does it mean, Khushi”? I asked again.(regretted later)
She looked lost. She looked at her Mom then looked back at me, smiled and replied “I don’t know”.
Ohh, how could I expect that she will know that? Hmm, have I already mentioned that I regretted it later? Yeah, I did. Good.
“Well it means happiness, lots of smiles. You smile, right?” and she agreed with a smile. I wanted to know how old she is. I thought at least this she must know. And here I made another mistake. She had no clue about her age. I told her to go to her Mom and ask. She was seven.
“You go to school”? I don’t know why I was taking so much interest in her. May be because I felt a connection or a bond but something was there.
She became sad a bit and replied slowly “I went but they say my name is not there in the list, they dint let me sit in the class.”
What? Who? How? Why? A lot of questions started appeared at the speed of thought but I asked just one. “Why? Dint you send your father to talk to them?”
She looked at me, blank look and looked away without even saying a word. I rethought my question and looked at her Mom. She had all signs of being married Indian women. Then what’s wrong? I thought but couldn’t gather enough guts to ask. I looked away and started looking out of the window. No, stop it, no more questions please. Enough now.
“Three years ago he left us and ran away with someone” it was her. I got stunned. I looked back at her, she was looking at me constantly. “What”? That is all I could say.
“That is all I know, you see the kid sitting near my Mom, my father ran away with his Mom”. There was no smile but a tough look too.
I couldn’t say anything else and yeah, what could I say. I kept quite but kept looking at her innocent face.

Thursday, March 4, 2010

Those Stops!!

Well i was walking in crowd but still alone.. Me too ws a part of crowd only but still could feel special(god knows what was giving me this being special feel), Thats wat they say is 'Charm' of mumbai.. You are a part of crowd but still special.. Sounds funny but true.. but that day was special i guess because i could feel a bounce in my walk. A bounce which was because of something good.. I left home for office and as usual cought the bus to churchgate. In morning there is a lots of rush everywhere. Everyone to there destination but in hurry as that place will move ahead if they wont catch it soon. Strange, i used to think in starting.. No one cares what u doing, where u going, whta is happening to you and anythning till it doesn't affect there chores.. Well that is the pace here. If you move along you can win otherwise you will loose nothing but you.
Its my habbit to observe everythnig outside when i travel. Its my routine and guess what tough i travel by the same route everyday i find things new. I dont even realize untill i reach to NCPA. but that day i couldn't see my eye catcher. M eye catcher, yeah, a lady with short hair, a bag in her hands, a blanket wrapped around, sitting out the building with blank looks. People see but no one notice. Everyday the same thing, the same place and same look. many times i wanted to go to her and her 'what is wrong' but some one said that i'll reopen her wounds like this.. This day she wasnt there, i found it strange as from last 6 months she was there and a mystry for me.. May be she found some other place or she's no more as her bag and blanket was still lyng there.. God knows..
moved further...
Near chrchgate, in front of Sarvodaya, a general store there is a tree. A small one but a place to live, home for a family. A family of a lady and her two kids. Even they have a small kitchen of a stove and a cooker and may be a plate too. A lot of people, may be thousands paas from there and dont even look nad yaa, why will they?? everyone has more important things to do. A lot more important.
moved further......
A very old lady outside elphinstone road station, sitting side by the fly over, having a basket of fruits and waiting for someone to come and buy somthing atleast so that atleat she can feed her family. Sitting there morning to evening with a hope nad struggling with life in the age of 80-85.. And obviously reaching to office is more important than buyng fruits from her even if they are cheaper than their actual prize.
moved further.....
Coming in the local in evening everyone encounter with a lotz of beggers, kids specially.. They have innocence on face no doubt but have some dreams in heart. People pity them and even sometimes give money. But nothing gonna help them. They will keep doing the same for the rest of their lives. Who's gonna work if they easily get someone's hard earned maney for doing nothning. If don't get much and want more, still hungry or have some pain.. Still no worries, marijuana and drugs gonna work till they get something. After all life teaches everything. No one remembers they had some dreams and desires.
move further....
Almost about to reach home but still have to walk a few meters. A tiny gal with her in her lap, having few balloons and tryng to sell but still have a lots of self esteem nad dignity. Workng hard for making things better..
I was walkng in crowd again but dint feel special.. my walk was slow. just reached home but coudnt be happy as i used to be.. But i cant change anythng. Need to be stronge enough for fight for the rights of needy and deserving.. Sometimes things just happen all of the sudden and turn around ur life or to some another direction.. Mine has..

Monday, February 8, 2010

Rising from ashes or........??

1 day I wasn't feeling good so went out to on sea side to roam around.. I was too busy in thinking about my own changed life so couldn't notice that there was a tiny girl who was selling balloons.. She asked me to buy one and I saw she was having a tiny baby in her lap. I denied to buy one as I felt have too grown up for them now so obviously don't need balloons to be happy anymore but she said 'Please, my brother is hungry didi, just buy one only.' I thought it'll look funny if I will have a balloon in my hand and will go somewhere so I offered her some money to feed her brother. To my wonder she denied and said 'I can't take it like this'. I was amazed as I could see need in her eyes.. I had no option but to buy a balloon and I gave it to a kid passing by. She smiled and I moved on..
Last new year me and my 2 friends thought instead of partying we would spend our day with some social work.

It was just an incident but it reminded me of 1st Jan'10 (New Year) when We (me and 2 of my friends) went to an orphan-age there in Jaipur.

 We got them sweets, fruits and chocolates so obviously all kids were smiling.. When we entered all kid were like 'Hello Didi'. Being with all of them and getting to know was a different feeling. 

After sometime when I asked 'Do u guys go to school??' they nodded with a smile(though it dint seem like a happier one). I thought that the mentors are taking good care of them but when I asked them about what they want to become in future once they complete their studies, they looked at me like I have asked them like have they seen God recently.

I wondered whats wrong.. I looked at their mentor, I found her a sweet lady initially.

She said "Tell Didi, that what you all want to become, tell no, what i told you all yesterday"..and kids came up with doctor, teacher, pilot, manager n all thngs.. I really got surprised as when I asked them first they dint even seem to understnad anything and now all wonder answers... Any way I dint get positive vibes from there so came out with a heavy heart.. 

I met a kid who was one of them outside and asked him to come with me to main road.. He told me in the way about all this.. Their mentor told them to all this yesterday evening as a lots of people come to visit and donate there..

I was feelng so bad.. All the way I was just thinking whats the future of these kids.. I have no complaints from my life now.. I should be happy the way it is but what about then.. wat about their crashed dreams or they even know what dreams are meant for?

I imagined them rising from ashes but now i guess 'going towards' would be perfect instead of 'rising from'..

Just god knows all...

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

My lost Identity!!!!!!

Today, when I was sitting there on marine drive, was constantly thinking about myself. I was sitting with friends but wasn't there mentaly..

I was thinking about "Is it OK to fight for your dreams? Is it fine to fight for things u love? Even if t hurts people you love? What's more important- making people happy or being happy?? whats more important-- let things happen or make them happen??"  Too many questions for a tiny brain.

Someone must be thinking I am loosing my mind but I know the truth. I am just in the search of the right path for myself. Whenever I look around me. I find people People too busy with their own lives. They seem to be with you but when u actually look into things deeply none is really there. Yeah, I know its not true for everyone but still I am not supposed to say that every relation is perfectly true or am I?

I must say when I think about things happening around, I find myself lost. Its not that I don't see it. I face it everyday but its not that easy to accept it. Whenever I feel low, just 1 thing comes in my mind- should I give up?? Why am I loosing hope?? Should I stop believing in things or myself.......... ?? I am scared of myself.. Sometimes I even think about commiting suicide too.(never mind, I made this one up, lol. I am really too coward to do that)..
But I wasn't like this ever,Ii wasn't negetive ever... Its getting very hard to smile now a days.. I never tried so hard to being happy... I used to believe in living life not just spending it for the sake coz you have to.. Seriously I don't even remember when I laughed so hard by heart last time..Many times I try to collect my thoughts together and wrap them up but not able to..

I want someone with real human touch which can ease my stress n depression away...

Saturday, January 23, 2010

A Fact!!!

life is so unpredictable.. no one knows what coming next, whats tomorrow is bringing for us.. true, yeah.. this fish too must have never thought of a ending up like this.. truly strange, isn't it?

but yeah, we can believe something what a wise man has once said....

Do not ask yourself what the world needs; ask yourself what makes you come alive. And then go do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive. ~Howard Thurman

Saturday, January 9, 2010

And Am Again!!

Heyaa, recently I had a great break of good 20 days, and now I am finally back with the ability to pen my thoughts down once again. No, I mean seriously, It’s too hard to write anything sometimes but now in this period I thought of a lots of things and about a lots of matters.

Someone must be thinking what time? Was I too busy or what I was doing before? Well, I was doing actually nothing, better to say I was on complete break that time but yeah my mind was too busy in thinking about what I want, what I deserve, who I am, what I was and all stuff ( someone referred it as another phase of my life) which may be just like another normal things for people but very important for me, though it took me so long, am happy now.. It’s too hard to believe which I am going to say but it true, It wasn’t me..

I tried many times to write things but neither my heart nor mind supported me (I noticed so many drafts in my blog today like SO MANY). It was the first time I was feeling there is no luck exist, no feeling exist, one has to tell others that what he or she feels.. God, it was like if you are feeling alone you have ask someone to be with you, if you want to cry you have to look around for a shoulder, you have to smile if even tears are about to come from your eyes..

Like someone said if it was actually a phase it was the worst phase of my life I must say. Every morning I used to think after waking up ‘Oh God, another day' (what used to be ‘wow, another day:)’. Everyone has complications in life but mine was like completely twisted strings. It was like Living two personalities, being two different people, behaving in two different manners, trying to make people understand that you understand, being a person who I am not and many more things. I used to lie on bed thinking what I’ll do tomorrow, how it’ll be like, what should I do to make everyone happy. I got answers but there wasn’t my happiness anywhere. Sometimes I was thinking something and I dint even know what I am thinking. Strange, no??

Any ways 1 more thing, I can’t say ‘My life is like an open book’ anymore. Few unexpected though beautiful chapters have added in my book secretly. It filled my life up with colors more than a rainbow has and yeah, now I am back and will be the same. What I was and what I actually am. Life and time have taught me well that making yourself important to someone is more important than making someone important to you.

HAVE GROWN UP….. (have a lot to write but next time:))