I assure..!!

If loneliness hits your heart,

Or things seem to fall apart,

If darkness creeps in 

Or if you feel low,

Closing you eyes, 

Why don't just go with the flow..!

If smiles would fade in,

Or light around might seem dim,

I assure you, I'll be there,

Just by your side,

No matter if life takes a turn,

Or if you choose to take stride..!!

If times seem unfair,

Or look around in despair,

If essence changes,

Or Feelings fade out,

Even if love disappears,

I'll surround you if you feel left out..!!!




If someday you breach,


and I am out of reach,


if gentle thoughts ember,


and life seem out of place,


Nothing being tentative, I'll come,


Making sure that my sound give you solace..!!

As I see it now

Finally, it seems like I have some time to myself. In last two and half months many times I picked up my tiny pen and tried to write something down or opened this blog to post something, but maybe there was just quite a lot happening. No time for myself and things I loved. All the time dedicated to only thing I always aspired of and guess what I am going to live the dream I saw.

I will be a professional journalist very soon. So by now I have completed 3 news bulletins, quite a few reporting assignments, had been a producer for the website and have roamed just a lot about Bangalore. Life has just begun to show its colors. It wasn’t so easy I always knew that.

I see things around, observe people, lots happened in life and lots went away. Lots I still want to stick to and even lots just do not just seem to matter any more.

When I look back I see a so many changed things in just not even three months. I see a different me and look at the life differently. I am same as human but maybe it’s the work which I love. It’s not a liability to me but a passion worth storming my brains for.

I miss those lanes and drives in Mumbai, all chats and walks on marine drive or eating street food at Chowpatti; but the life I belong to, I have it here, right now in my arms. Its like I can see myself working in the same manner or may be even harder in next coming years. The work that fills me with satisfaction.  

Adios Mumbai..!

Many options I had; just too many to rely on. Just a lot to struggle for and think about over and over. The state of indecision made me anxious. Just so tired and lifeless. Which way I should choose? Should I keep trying or just let the fate take me where it thinks I belong? Confusions and more of them. Just too much to take.

Okie it all what I have written sounds really heavy but trust me It really was though it was just about choosing a college out of six completely nice options I had. Moving away from the city, friends, people I love the most, my family, the atmosphere I was used to, the sea shore, marine drive and so many other things wasn't that easy but some how I have to manage.

I moved here 2 years back leaving my all college memories behind, my friends, loved ones everyone and everything behind. I still remember those days when I used to sit by the window seeing people roaming with their friends and really cry loud with tears at home. It was me who used to walk alone on the road thinking no one would really care if I even get lost in the madding every time running crowd. But slowly it grew on me and I grew matured with it. The locals and the rains. The Street Foods at the Sea Shore. Walking in the sand bare foot not realizing when the sky grew darker. Seeing the sunset sitting on Marine Drive and seeing those friends laughing. Everything just so special, too much to remember and even lot to love about.

So here is the day I am sitting here writing my last post from Mumbai. I may come back to the city but not any time soon for sure. May be in a year or can be never. I am moving to Bangalore tomorrow; the pub city or Garden city or Silicon Valley of India. Life takes you every where you never even thought you would ever move to. So I am moving from here; bidding good bye to the city I could feel mine after long, the city which made me fall in love with it. The city which adapted me within so smoothly.  

   

Only If..!

Only if the feelings were still alive and soul wasn't ceased,

Only if things would have been the way you could feel pleased..!

Only if the tiny things don't look nasty because of the Ego,

Only if you just stick to people you love and don't just let go..!

Only if you could hold my hand tight and cared to talk,

Only if you could wait bit longer and we shared a walk..!

Only if the world go the way you think it really would,

Only if you dream impossible and work the way you should..!

Only if  the warmness of heart doesn't start to feel like heat,

Only if the records were set for the love and you could beat..!

Only if it was really so easy to move on and heal a wound,

Only if the breaking the hearts and hopes could make a sound..!

Silent Words..!

For that one tiny moment I felt I was really gagged. There was a lot to say but it seemed like words got stuck in my throat. How many times I had imagined this converstaion on this particular moment thinking that I was being omitted and left out or almost forgetton. How many nights I spent wetting my pillows, I even lost the count of them. There were  so many questions but no one could answer even one.

I felt a flood of tears coming out but I had to mantain this patient somehow a bit longer. The voice which used to make my world thrill in one instant and I thought was lost; was there again,  standing right there in front of me. 


No questions were asked and no answers given. The moment just passed in the silence with the gaze and everything seemed just so perfect once again. 

Love Possible..!

He altered the ego

and made a move,

The sense was divine

He felt a groove,

Lost in memories

Tranquil was the feeling,

He felt heart at ease

Wounds were healing,

He never was so happy

Even sadness could fill a pond,

But now when love happened 

so he was only fond of this bond...!

And the Usual Stuff..!

"I am so sorry honey that I am again late” This was the 1^st thing he could say once he entered home.

“You know what hon; this is not something which is not erratic and now even I am used to it. It’s fine. It hardly affects me now. Any way how was the party? You must have had too much fun that you had forgotten that we had plans?” I was already irritated with this behavior. I mean for how long one can take this over and over.

“No babe, it’s not like that. Let me at least clarify it and give reasoning” and I was all set to hear a new story with so many lies in luminous background. I couldn’t really understand that how much time it would take him to understand that he actually cannot lie to a journalist-to-be as I wouldn’t take any time to find the truth out.

“There was this one bad omen so I could not leave the place early. I had to stay there for longer.” He tried his best to make sense.

I smiled and moved toward kitchen to clean dishes.

“Man, how you always figure out my lies? Hey, you already had food?” He sounded amazed.

“Yeah, I had and now I think I just started knowing you so well.”  How predictable things become I thought.  

Biased...!!

His Jumbled thoughts led her away,

He couldn't even dare to ask her stay…!!

Truth was naked and she was gone,

Holding her heart like a hard stone..!!

His grin showed as he didn’t care,

What went wrong no one was aware..!!

They always seemed like connected souls,

Now everything appeared under some fouls..!!

The love used to seem like on cloud nine,

Why it changed when everything was so fine?

I wondered why path of honesty was so greasy,

If this loving and then moving on was so easy..!!

That Divine Beauty..!

Beauty lies underneath the human skin, in the heart and soul then no matter if someone has wrinkly skin, dark complexion or even ugly face. This is something which gives you immense pleasure when you even think about it. Being a part of something like this is truly divine in itself. 

Whenever I think of true beauty, humanity and living for it an incident creeps in my mind. A very old incident which really made me think deeply about our life and the motive of living.

Few years back when I was young and around 15-16 year old. When I hardly had any clue about what life really is; was selected for a Desert trekking Camp held at Bikaner, Rajasthan, India. I was the youngest participant so was being cared by everyone. In desert where greenery was hardly seen and water wasn't at all available, I was nearly dying with thrust. I had already walked 2-3 Km surviving on few drops every now and then. We all were running out of water and the next stoppage was only after 5 more Km. I felt the world going dark under the burning and smoking heat in that month of May. 


No sign of any human being too. Just when I thought I would now collapse we heard a sound of Camel coming from somewhere nearby. A ray of hope crept in. We rushed towards that to find a small hut with grass made up and man standing next to his camel there. I felt breathe of relief going down my spine. It was a Pyau (A place where water is kept in pots for the travelers).

I was so happy that I almost ran towards it. There was this old very dark lady with wrinkled hands and face or everywhere. She had large white spots on her body. I didn’t really find it hygienic. As my face expresses a lot about what I think, Pankaj (An elder guy in his early 20's who took care of me during whole trip) pulled me back towards him.

"Stop making faces. it doesn't look good. Drink water". He whispered.

"Yeah, but she is so ugly. What if her hands are not washed? What if there would be germs in water? What if I fall sick? No, I won't have water from here." But I had no option. Looking at her hands, her cloths, her face I had water. I was about to cry with frustration.

I think that woman sensed the fear in my eyes. Smiling she called me with a gentle voice and said something which I don't remember exactly word by word but the meaning was "If you living for yourself, it’s not bad but if you living only for yourself then your life is not even worth living. You might be scared of doing something you don't know about but if you scared of doing something which you know is good for you, which is foolishness."

That time I thought those things was irrelevant but after hearing about her story from that camel rider I just knew what she was talking about.

Her husband was died in a war when she was just 27. At that delicate age her in-laws threw her out of house calling her a curse on family and thought her disease was a proof of that. They told her to leave and never show her ugly face. 


She had nowhere to go. She roamed everywhere and then finally opened this place for water from the money government gave her and was living there since then. She was bit literate so she started teaching small girls and their parents gave her food for that. 

It’s been 50 years and things have been same since then. People came and tried to give her money but she always refused. There were funds for that place to renovate and she used them for the same. A true example of living for the land who gave you birth. No desires, conditions and expectations, just a Nobel cause. So visible but still living in the Fog..!

Though there were plenty of gossips about her but still the goddess went on living for a cause to make that difference..!! To spread something which she never got; Love..!

She was beautiful, truly blessed with beauty. Divine Beauty...!!!

What Defines What!!

The cold breeze and that first drizzle in Mumbai. That green view out of damp balcony and the cup of coffee. The air playing with your hair and the drops kissing the forehead. Skidding kids with those tiny boats in water and laughter. What else you can ask for a perfect Saturday morning. I looked at the window and thought of painting my thoughts on the canvas.

As soon as a gathered my thoughts to create my new masterpiece; a communication of few years back crept in my mind. The weather, city, and cup of coffee, drizzle everything was just same but I wasn't.

A 21 year old very next door girl for whom life was easy, who was still in the dream land and in her own small comfort zone.

"Hey, see the new story I have written and see the poem too. Tell me how does it sound?" It was me asking my best friend, for his opinion which was needed in every tiny thing I did.

"Put it on the table, I'll see once I get some free time." As usual there was lack of time.

"See now no please. Just see it once; I really need to post it today." Giving up comes really hard to you sometimes.

"Ok." listening it was a pleasure.

"Fine they are." A cold response he gave me after a good 10 minutes of scrolling up and down on the screen.

"Okay. Hey, you know what I was thinking to make my career in Advertising and creative communication. I am planning to pursue this course. What do you think?" I gave him the form of the college. This was much needed, support and guidance.

"I don't know about doing the course and all but you are not creative than why to do that?" He looked at me as if it was really hard for him to believe this.

"Am I not? But it’s you only who say that I am. Any ways, than what creativity really is?" I was not incensed but really surprised.

"Yeah, I mean you can write things, make things up but not creative. It’s like you do nothing creative. Creative people are different. They are always busy doing something creative and do new things." and he went into his work again.

I stood there, keeping that form of the Advertising Institute in hand, looking at him in amusement. It’s not that I don't agree that people keep doing creative stuff but after working for 9 hours towards survival and 3 hours of travelling in pollution, what does he expect me to do. How do I make him understand that creativity needs a space, its own space to breathe and the important thing how do you define it.

For me it comes in the way you talk, you smile, you make someone happy, the special you make someone feel, the pinch of every small surprise you give, a single note or line, everything which is unique in itself is creative.

What do you think?

And I Was Moved..!!

I really thought that I can't handle it,

I won't and couldn't ever get over it..!!

Tough I managed to escape a phase,

But then had stepped into forbidden place..!!

knowing inside that what could happen,

What If the feelings would get sharpen..!!

Still I stayed back, liveed  in dream and hope,

Things would get fine so stayed, can't elope..!!

Wondered why did ever thought it would last long,

He brandished that paper in Court, still I stood strong..!!

Realized  how could a paper and pen write your destiny,

Everything becomes important, then doesn't matter how tiny.!! 

Things what create history..!!

"She is so graceful, so pretty. Isn't she?" Eli whispered in my ear slowly.

"Yeah man; she is just wonderful". I really envied her. 

In the long white gown she was really looking like a goddess. There was only a thin gap between them two. What a feeling it must be. Happiness and jitters; all mixed. The fear of the big responsibilities and the smile of being with someone she always had loved.

What a great show at a great place with greatest people of the world.

Though there were some streaming problems but still YouTube had done a great job for the broadcasting of Royal Wedding and that too watching it in the official hours, it really felt like we were having a leisure time witnessing the great wedding of the century which is going to create a history.

Canvas..!

On the big canvas of our small life,

We paint something new everyday;

we paint lot of love and happiness,

and even hate and sometimes envy..!

If the image was bit transparent,

We used paint to make it all cover;

To hide the stiff or bitter reality,

We made the standards so lower..!

Is it the nature of the every human,

Or is it something we have to hide;

Think, Its just the curtain we put over,

So won't be really hard to remove or slide..!

When Lives need Help..!

I moved a bit further. I went near her. Looked at the face which must have been young and glowing before these fine wrinkles made their home on that.

I said looking at her basket "Give me a dozen. How much for?" She looked at me and smiled.

"A hundred" she replied slowly. May be the killing heat affected her so badly. 

I took the bag from her, she lifted her both hands to give blessings and smiled. I moved on, feeling happy that I might have helped her in some way. To me she resembled someone.

Thinking of these people who have to work like this even after this age is of resting and be in comfort. A remember that story my great grand dad used to tell us.

Few years back there was this one lady who moved to India leaving her fine and lavish life behind for taking care of homeless and rejected people. To spread some love among those who were not that fortunate.

The world passed by that footpath on what there was this a kid lying from like a day or more and no one seemed to even bothered. That dark and rainy night in which a sleek figure was walking down the street without even an umbrella. She stopped by there, looking at that thin tiny boy, she sat down. She took his hand in hers to feel his nerves and kept it back on the floor. She looked up at the sky and jointed her hands to pray. Lifted the kid in her Arms and walked off. To a place where he can get some peace at least after dying. so that even they can get the sleep which we all have. A sleep of relief and peace.

She was Agnes who was known as Teresa. Mother Teresa. 

May be we all need her once again and even stronger. 

Unfinished Jobs..!!

"Lets get married next year..! What say?" I heard and almost spilled the coffee with shock and laughter.

 

"What..!!! What does that supposed to mean." I said sipping the relishing coffee with the cake, looking at his face glowing with smile.

 

"Stop fooling around" I managed to say and burst out laughing.

 

"Hmm, what made it sound foolish by the way?" He asked seriously.

 

"What?" I looked at him with amusement.

 

He said nothing but kept smiling. A smile which was different from any other ordinary day.

 

"No no no no no...! It can not be happening. You really mean that. Are you serious? Really? On Shit; good god, , Mercy please." I said in terror.

 

"What.!" His smile faded. He seemed taken aback.

 

"See, we are not even in a relationship. We are just friends for god sake. I never even thought about it ever that way. How do you expect me to react? We are just in final year of gradution and its still not over yet. I am any which ways leaving the city next month. There are still so many things we have to think about like our further studies and career. I think you should take some time and think about it." I tried to sound as grown up I could.

May be I always knew it but wasn't just ready to accept the way it was.

He didn't say anything, just nodded. May be because he knew me so well. Discussion was over.

 

The knock on the door brought me back into the present.

 

"Who is it?" I asked. What a bad timing I thought. 

No response. I opened the door to find an enevelope lieng on the doorstep.

 

My visa application was granted for Spain. Now I had everything. 

Satisfactory life, fun friends and a job which keeps me busy travelling. But I missed him, his presence, his support, the best friend I ever had in life with whom I never needed to speak my emotions or anything out.

 

That was the last conversation we had sitting together before I had left. After that we had met online so many times and even spoke on phone for few minutes but the lack warmth could be felt.

For those who "Matter"..!!

A note about visiting an "Old Age Home"...!!


"Merry Christmas" I said and smiled,

Seeing all the lights and wishes piled..

Ain't you happy seeing faces around,

What stops you to make any sound..!

She looked at me without any movement,

All I could see there was no excitement..

I could feel the storm behind that calm look,

Seemed there was nothing left for her to brook..!

I looked around at those other hundred feet,

Being happy was hard as life was discreet..

Those hands who made their kids walk every mile,

How they could put them away just like in a while.!! 

Times when Unfair..!!

"What???" I looked at him surprisingly and yeah, obviously after that fight of last night it was such a surprise to see him standing next to my bed early morning. He almost scared me.

"I made you breakfast and tea. Wake up or you will be late for work" he said.

If it would have been like a normal day I would have overwhelmed with joy but those words of last night were still fresh in my head.

I looked at the clock, turned my head towards wall and again went to sleep "No work today, I am taking a break, will go out somewhere with friends".

I could feel him standing next to me still waiting for me to wake up but as I said it wasn't another day. All his lies and the act of disloyalties stood up against him and stopped me from melting once again. I felt like kneading my head. It was already paining badly because of the tears outflow whole night.

"Okay, and yeah, I have cleansed the kitchen too so you take care" and he left for work.

How much effort a sorry would cause him. and even if he says sorry would I be able to be the same ever again.

Was it my fault that I made my world go around nothing but only him? Did I expected more than I deserved by any chance? 

                Not I guess. Instead of breakfast a break was much needed I suppose.

Life's Own Way...!!

I wasn't really sure if it was an illusion,

It was hard to reach to any conclusion,

All Reasons were evident as I could see,

But still my soul din't crave to be free,

I wondered where my life was heading,

No directions I could see but was gliding,

Relying on the fate was the only option I felt,

let life make its way and problems would melt.

Things were not tragic if we see them other way,

Everything gets fine all you have to do is just stay.

Life always has its very own way to move ahead,

Only hope and love we can live upon and then spread.

Questions and even more of them..!!

We do feel empty and alone quite often, don't we? 

Life seems meaningless and peculiar, doesn't it? 

What do we want to generate and live basically? What is it really of which need we are not able to figure out and then fabricate?  

May be its just a change in the routine life we all are seeking but knowingly or unknowingly we refuse to adopt it or may be its just our belief system is so adamant that we don't even want to get out of it and face the reality.

Are we really so weak to face it or its just we don't want to get out of our comfort zone even if it doesn't give us the same comfort which we used to feel being teenagers. 

Too many questions on a tiny brain and a trap of feelings and thoughts all around. Which way to go and what to follow; deciding this is not as easy as it sounds.  

What seems the best is only an escape form everything what bothers you but it isn't so easy..!

Is it...???

Silly Pilly!! :D

Banta Singh decided to write the MBA exam. He could understand every thing except for the LOGIC part. One day when he was reading, Rajiv came home.
 
Rajiv: Zailsinghji How is your MBA preparation?
 
Banta Singh: Every thing is fine, but I could not understand Logic.
 
Rajiv: Logic is very easy.
 
Banta Singh: Can you give me an example, so that I can understand.
 
Rajiv: OK. Do you have fish pot in your house?
 
Banta: YES.
 
Rajiv: Logically, there will be water in it.
 
Bantal: YES.
 
Rajiv: Logically, there will be fish in it.
 
Zail: YES.
 
Rajiv: Logically, someone will be feeding the fish.
 
Banta: YES.
 
Rajiv: I take a guess that your wife will be feeding the fish.
 
Banta: YES.
 
Rajiv: so, logically, your are married.
 
Banta: YES.
 
Rajiv: So, that means U are a heterosexual.
 
Banta Singh was very glad and he understood logic. Next day he sees Butasingh and he was 
also preparing for MBA.
 
Banta: How is your MBA preparation?
 
Buta: Everything is fine except for the logic.
 
Banta: Oh, logic is easy.
 
Buta: Please, give me an example.
 
Banta: Do you have a fish pot in your house?
 
Buta: NO, I don't.
 
Banta Screamed: You bloody HOMO!!!