Living That Scare!!!

"Mommy!!!" I shouted my throat out till the time my Mom reached my room. Its not that I live in some 4 floor big house but still it took her whole five minutes to travel in our 3 BHK flat.. 


"What the hell on the earth is wrong with you that made to shout like this at past 3 midnight?? What is the matter?" She was really annoyed as I disturbed her deep nap. I couldn't believe my Dad was still snoring like nothing happened. 


I really felt very bad for her. She must be very tired after all household chores she has been doing all day. But I couldn't help as I got really scared.


"I felt it. I felt it so close. I felt like it was on me. Walking or I don't know what. But its was there." My voice was trembling when I said.


"What are you talking about beta?? Who??" She asked while scanning my room, each corner. She was really confused what I was talking about.


Me, poor thing. No one can understand what I was going through.


"That thing, that thing mom which I was telling you all in the morning". I uttered. 


"Nothing Beta, you better go to sleep. Its nothing. See, there is absolutely nothing". She said and left the room.


I sat on my bed looking all around. Where it must be? How come no one can see it but me. I felt like crying. I was tortured like never before now.


It left all its signs everywhere like my book shelf, my cupboard, my study, almost everywhere. I saw it. I felt it all around. I feel it's the existence near me then why no one else does.




This wasn't the first time. I was feeling it from last so many days. I saw it. I lived it. It goes all over me nights leaving me in a fear I live whole night. I feel a fear when I switch my light off while going to bed in night. I get scared while opening my drawer for taking my things out. I had already emptied my cupboard from the fear that what if someday I open it and that comes straight on me and kept all my clothes in my Huge Suitcase which I had back in Hostel.  I couldn't help it.


One day I came back home after having such a long day at work to see my whole room like a mess. Actually My Mom spied about "What-that-thing-would-be-which-scares-me..". I needed a bed but ended up on sofa.


This was it. I thought of getting rid of it anyhow. I need to be brave enough to live this scare now. I need to live freely.


And end of it was really amazing. I was going through the e-TOI while having a coffee and there it was looking into my eyes. I saw it again but couldn't hold my gaze for longer. 


I dint shout but whispered.


"Mom, come here fast".. I really felt relieved when She really heard me. 


She came and froze on the door itself. She also saw it. She looked at me and then the curtain.


There that was, swinging on the curtain. Free from all world thinking that it is really safe there.


 A big fat Rat. We found it finally then getting rid wasn't really hard.   

Changes Unexpected!!

He shouted abruptly “No, not anymore, I am really much done. I can’t handle your drama now. I am tired of giving explanations to you over and over. Something is stuck in your mind so you can’t think anything else now.”


And he kept saying but I hang up and the phone. I could not hear anymore as I broke into tears.


He would not understand. Being a guy he won’t understand how much it hurts. I was amazed as he also knew what he meant for me. Like a Kernel he had become for me lately. My whole life started revolving around him only. He was like essence of my life, much needed and even important than my own existence.


Words hurt more than the acts. Couldn’t he be more decent or polite a bit? How hurt I was, couldn’t he imagine. He shouted on me in front of people who don’t even know me. Where was my fault? Was it loving him a lot or caring for him??


The thing he used to feel even in absence now seem drama to him. My emotions now seem over reaction to him. My concern seem over possessiveness to him. Yes!! I couldn't wield my heart and I can not ever.


I could not understand where the charm we were loosing or where the warmth flied. His whole world used to be between my arms. He used to forget his all work pressure or tension with me.


Where are we moving to?? My sad heart really craved for ease.




From 3WW:-


From Three words Wednesday http://www.threewordwednesday.com/

Hopes and Reality!!

Sometimes things leave you with fragile hopes,
Rampant growing feelings hurt with tear drops,


Each word comes out with a tremble, pain doesn't heal
The world would really move on but a tremor you feel...




From 3WW:-

From Three words Wednesday http://www.threewordwednesday.com/

Mistakes You Live With!!

“Realization on time is always better than suffering the after effects as even small things give immense pain sometimes that even tough you have had a shimmering life, they turn it into dark memories”, she thought and went into flash back..


You never really know when fate has other plans for. You think that things are actually going the way you planned it but they only seem perfect, not actually are.


She wandered in the lanes of past, thought about every possible mistake she had made but couldn’t reach where and what she missed out. She had really supporting parents and very loving siblings. Why did even the thought of leaving home strike in her mind?
Was the reason being away from that true laughter her dreams of being really independent?


After like ages, for the 1st time she picked up her pen and wrote:-


Often I sit by the window idle and just stare the moon,
He promised me, my wishes would come true very soon,
How he never thought of the disappointments I’ll have,
He skipped and I waited for him to keep the words he gave.


First time I craved for the ease while suffering from the pain,
First time I felt the fear from every falling drop of the rain...
First time I could not spread my wings and couldn’t dare to fly,
First time I could not see anyone around on whom I could rely.


This was not it as I had a real long way to walk on ahead of me,
I knew will have to face many obstacles and who doesn’t have any?
I confess I had a strong urge to put everything away and just leave,
Everything seemed so wrong and I longed for something to believe.


And this was it. She broke into tears. She never sounded so depressed ever before.


She closed down everything around and wished while lying on the sofa if everything could be same. Wished to erase the mistakes she had made but obviously she couldn’t. Could you ever??






To be continued…..




From 3WW:-


From Three words Wednesday http://www.threewordwednesday.com/

Moving through the Storm!!

It wasn’t so easy for me to live on that land of lies where once I built the house of my dreams.


I really never thought of being away even for a day from the Person who took my breaths away and gave a meaning to my life, a person, whom I considered my soul mate.


All those talks, chats, drive, dinners, walks, smiles, night outs, dances and I don’t know how many things more seemed meaningless and this news came like an earthquake in my life that destroyed all my hopes. I felt like all my feelings got ridiculed. With no matter on being loved I thought of just being quite and let it all go with the flow of my tears.


Yes, I did. I did cry and tears dint even want to stop. He did something too. He cheated on me or may be he just slipped off his loyalty. But I felt cheated. Who wouldn’t? Everyone would. Am I just overreacting or what I am thinking is true? Could he? Dint the thought of all the years we spent together crept in his mind once? Or he just ignored it for the sake of a night? Was she pretty? Or was she a whore?? Did she make a move or what if he did??


Thoughts made me restless. The more I thought even more I got stuck. I was devastated. Life seemed all blank. But I had to make my mind. I had to put a stop, well, at least somewhere. Felt like someone whispered in my ear, “let it go. Loosen your grip, just let it go”.


This was it. I did it again. I proved myself strong. And I decided to move on. To walk on a new way with no one beside. Just me with my new hopes.


Tough it broke me from inside and moved my world upside down; I absolved him without even making a Hiss after all who wants to get their feelings ridiculed. Not me at the least.


From Three words Wednesday http://www.threewordwednesday.com/

We:- The fairer sex!!!!

We women, the most delicate thing ever created by God. Who has too much of patience but ever more to tolerate. Who always has to bear the burden, always affected by lives of her father, husband and than son. No matter how much pain she is carrying in her big but soft heart she has to keep everyone happy around. No matter how many times she wet her pillow with tears she has to put smiles on everyone's face. No matter how much she is starving, she has to provide food to all.

She only starves of love and care. Her heart craves for affection and loyalty. Who really cares what she goes through everyday keeping her chores in the right motion. She is not supposed to expect the love and care she spreads. She is not bound to think that she will get the same security and stability she puts in every relation. She should never ask why am i supposed to accept everything with joy even if it chops my heart in like thousand pieces. She is not supposed to fight for her own and if she does she is being unfair to womanhood. Till when but!!!! Some one has to speak it out.

Well, okk.. There is no special reason for writing this blog. I just felt like When god has given women the power of move the world forward by carrying a new life in her womb, why is she not given a authority and priority. Everyone knows she is important, why dint she get the feel then. But Why???

I was!!

It was an ordinary day just like every other day of her life. She got up in the morning, after all the routine left for office, again slept in the cab and after whole day of struggling with mails and release orders finally came home back in no hurry. Yeah, in no hurry.

I never felt her so idle and unstable. It seemed like something was badly disturbing her in somewhere deep down which she is not even able to take out. Like every day there was neither that bounce in her walk when she left for home or the warmth in voice the way we felt when she used to talk. I never felt her presence so quite and calm. I could not recognize her at all as she was not the same what she used to be. There wasn’t that friendly smile because of what she had so many friends and for what they used to love her.

Things seemed to be changed since she left from here because a girl who never stopped talking and laughing for no reason now hardly talks and smiles to people. Even tough if she tries she feels why to fake, as it wasn’t hard to smile for her ever. A girl who never cared for future and whatever is happening around, is now more concerned about how others will feel, no matter how much it hurts her. Getting hurt was never even known to her. Pain was a thing of some other universe to her. Everyone was just same for her; every body has the same importance. No priorities or anything. Her life was like another fairy tale and yeah, they do exist.

A girl who never expected much from life as she always got everything even before she thought of it. She had no problems at her own; even she knew how to turn teary eyes into smiley cheeks. A girl who never even gave mind a sec to think twice before doing or saying something, now keep talking in her mind but tongue doesn’t seem to support the brain.


God, I missed her. I missed the way things used to be.

I closed my eyes and tears rolled down on my cheeks, as I could not look at the mirror anymore.